LL and Limbo

Edit Post

Ive wanted to do the surgery since 8 years ago. For 5 years I worked hard to save money. After that I visited surgeons to ask about the surgery. Met a few patients. But it has been 3 long years and I think about this decision every goddamn day: "Should I do it or not?"

Every. single. day.

For 3 years every day I have been in a state of limbo. Cant decide to do it, cant decide not to do it.

Ive not been able to change my job, go on dates, go on long vacations, buy a new house, even properly hit the gym and do leg days. all because "what if I have to get this surgery next month? I cant make such any big commitment now" I feel like Ive been stuck in the exact same point of time for 3 years. Nothing I experience in life has been "full". everywhere I hang out with someone I have to think "will this person notice me different after LL? should I reduce stop hanging out with him then?" if I have to go that beach party, "oh no if I go completely barefoot and then get LL later, people will definitely know!"

man this sucks

Edit Post

People finding out it is a lesser reason for limbo. Bigger reason is that doing this means 6 months of disability and I cant commit to anything in life knowing that I might go through this any time. Because you have to drop commitments for LL (job, gf, vacation plans, applying for PhD, anything big)

I dont mind retaining 80% of my athletic abilities as long as I can hike, walk very long and stand for very long like a normal healthy person.