Hey everyone, I'm turning 22 next month. I am 5'6" (168cm in the evening) tall. I don't know if I should proceed with leg lengthening.
For my entire life, I was bullied for being the smallest kid in the class. Moving from city to city, even moving to a different country was tough. Having switched schools 5 times, I was teased over and over for my height, but eventually I managed to make friends despite it being very difficult.
I think I was notably short as a child because my mom took me to a growth specialist when I was 11. Apparently I was starting to show hormonal markers of puberty but I was very small for my age but had a delayed bone age. Anyway, shortly after, from age 12-14 I hit my "growth spurt" and went from about 4'10 to 5'4. By my 15th birthday I hit 5'6 and didn't grow since then. At age 17 years and 3 months, after urging my mom to get it checked, we found out my bone age was about 18 years old which is pretty much fused. Advanced for my age, but still within 1 standard deviation. It was just a wrist X-ray but my other bones didn't grow since then so I guess I was done for good.
Now for why I think I have height dysphoria:
I had severe acne when I was 14 years old... I was prescribed Accutane at this age and wasn't made aware it can cause premature growth plate closure. I took it for a short time so looking at it realistically it probably didn't do much, but the psychological issue of "did I stunt my growth" always remains in the back of my head and still makes me feel horrible to this day, almost 8 years later. It is definitely a huge component of my depression. Also, as a child I neglected my sleep and nutrition because my dad has a respectable height of 5'9.5 (177cm) so I figured I would just grow to around his size. These two issues makes me feel like I completely messed up my height. Because of this, I wanted to commit suicide when I was 15. I was very serious but did not do it. I don't think I'm at a risk of doing this now, but now as an adult I am very ashamed to show myself in public and meet new people. I feel less of a human and it's sometimes evident in how my daily interactions go. Before I even open my mouth I notice people at the cash register treat me condescendingly. But I don't really care what they think; it's a small impediment compared to my own self-image issues that haunt my mind when I'm alone.
I am trying to treat my psychological issues. I have been going to therapy for depression and anxiety, but I am now starting to think I also suffer from Body Dysmorphic Disorder, although I don't know if I truly fit into that criteria. I actually look abnormal because of my height, it's not just in my head. I have a really narrow frame and shoulders which makes me look like a child, a short torso and pretty long legs, almost the same length as my 5'9.5 dad's. My younger brother grew to 5'7.5" range, he has a wider frame and is longer in the torso. I think in the legs we are pretty much identical. I wish I could have grown to his height range and feel like a normal guy. I think he might have eaten better as a child since he was fat and I wasn't, but he finished his growth at around the same age as I did. I will finally tell my therapist tomorrow that I have height dysphoria.
Besides the mental issues I already described, from age 19-20 I had a substance use issue with marijuana because I used it as an escape from the way my mind tortured me. I have been sober for over a year but now I suffer from a very severe from of depersonalization/derealization, and some form of OCD which existed all my life. I think I am probably a horrible candidate for leg lengthening right now, but maybe once I resolve my issues, if I still feel bad about my height I can proceed with caution.
Some brainstorming for my leg lengthening surgery:
- One of my hobbies is skateboarding. I feel like perhaps this surgery will mean I have to give up on it, but I am looking for a very modest increase and I think it will be possible to skate again. There are skaters with prosthetic limbs doing some amazing tricks, I think this is nothing in comparison.
- I want the top doctors in the world. I need to research more doctors but Dr. Paley or Dr. Rozbruch seem phenomenal. I work in IT and live with my parents so I will have the means to save up and fund this by my late 20s.
- I want the best method - probably the Stryde Nail.
- I am currently 170.4cm morning and lose almost an inch to get to 168.0cm before bedtime.
- I want to be in the average range of height. This would mean strong 5'7 range at the lowest, just like my brother. I would do 3cm femurs to become 173.4cm morning/171.0cm evening. If my proportions look good I will stop here. If I want a bit more height and it will help my proportions I will also do 2.5cm tibias to become 175.9cm morning / 173.5cm evening. Depending on your feedback I may post a mock-up to see how I will look.
- This small surgery will allow me to keep my athletic ability and I will recover very quickly from it, perhaps not even needing the Stryde Nail since my muscles won't atrophy much. It won't be too dramatic of a change for people to question me about it, and I might finally be able to look in the mirror and love the person I see.
I feel like maybe I am delusional and should accept my height, the only problem is nobody close to me takes my issues seriously. I figured you guys are sort of on the same boat and can give me some advice.
I am eager to hear your thoughts about my situation, and whether you treat your dysphoria with therapy or surgery, I am rooting for you.
Much love,
- NotTallEnough
@marathonrunner
That was as a child. The only person I was taller than in my grade was an actual dwarf... I was several inches under 4 foot at age 9, projected to be like 5'3 or less going by just that height. I had friends, but I'm just saying it was very difficult to make new friends, moving around a lot, eventually settling at a school where I was teased for my height and was physically abused for years because I couldn't fight back. Kids viewed me as an easy target. Imagine going through that everyday for years. Being scared for your safety until you finally get home.
I did do weight training for a few years in high school. Got a decent amount of muscle, gained 35lbs from start to finish. I lost gains since then but even now my baseline is above average. I still do light training, slowly easing back to it. I doubt I'll ever look stocky with my frame but it wouldn't be a bad look for a short guy, just to own that kind of look.
And the short torso is definitely an issue... to the point I'd rather not do LL if it makes me look abnormal. For me height is one component. Definitely the most important component, but to me at least, without proportions it's good for nothing.
I do seem to have better proportions than some people on this site standing at 5'6, but definitely a lower tolerance for how far I'm willing to go. My sitting height is 89-90cm-ish depending on the time of day, inseam is 77cm, armspan 171.5cm (I got weird small fingers though so my arms themselves are quite average in length). My armspan would probably surpass 174cm with normal fingers lol. The other problem Is the width of my body, it's just so narrow that it makes my legs look even longer than they are.
@ghkid2019
I'm not schizophrenic, I just developed a symptom that makes me dissociate from my surroundings, probably because I feel overwhelmed.
On another note, I see from your post history you're still in high school and took an aromatase inhibitor and had an HGH cycle. How's that working for you? Still on it? Any height gains past 2cm? thought about going on that a few years ago but figured it was of no use since my growth velocity was already 0cm for several years. I didn't find out about it until age 19, and my bone age was 18 at age 17 (although people say that wrist xrays dont necessarily reflect the rest of the body) so it was already too late by then I suppose. I started to grow a beard since I was 15, but was unaware of what could be done at the time.
The blood test I had last year showed that my HGH levels were abnormslly low. I was a bit confused since it wasnt a test to measure the pulse of the HGH but my doctor assured me that its indicative of low HGH. I wonder how long that's been going on, I probably want to fix it for reasons other than height.
@ghkid2019
I gave your reply a more thorough read. I wasn't on growth hormones or had anything done to help me grow. Where are you noticing the new height coming from? I assume the torso? But anyway, in the OP I mentioned all the negative parts of my mind and omitted the positive ones. While I battle this thing, I'm still advancing my career while all my friends dropped out. I'm not worried about potential romantic partners at all; I don't have a good self image but my romantic life hasn't been awful. I'm pretty much in the same situation as others on this site. Currently in a dark place in my life especially with covid-19 but even before it got to this point I had general height neurosis. I used to wear lifts all through grade 11 until I realized how bad it was at treating how I felt.
I think that i would've accepted myself if I didnt have the stupid feeling of "I didnt reach my height potential". I remember being pretty happy until age 15 when I realized I wasn't growing anymore and pointed fingers at accutane. That's when this stupid obsession with height began. Most people around me kept getting taller except for me, but looking back I think I was a little bit biased. I can think of a handful of friends and even my own brother that barely grew at all since age 14, they were already about 6 feet tall and early bloomers like me.
I can try to reason with my brain all day but I can't shake the feeling off. That is why I am going to do CBT to try and help my issue. Having these thoughts non stop for almost a decade slowly took a toll on my mental well being, it seriously crept up on me without noticing. It's also a dumb numbers game in my head, wanting to be within 1 standard variation of average height which coincidentally means that my height needs to be over the 170cm mark. Being 168 just makes me feel weird, not unlike a woman with anorexia feeling horrible about the number on the scale.
Just one of the cons of having OCD. I guess I should just chalk it up to genetics. It was pretty obvious my brother was going to be taller by the time he was 13. He was already at my height (5'6) meanwhile when I was 13 I was barely 5'0. All the other males in my family got lucky and escaped the short genes of my paternal grandfather and my maternal grandmother, but i guess i didn't. I can review these facts all day but it wont make me shake the feeling of hating my image, and I'm aware that this thought process isn't normal in the first place but I feel like I messed my mind up to the point it will be extemely difficult to undo this. I even feel height conscious near my 163cm sister. We can look the same height if I slouch a little, and if my brother stands up straight he looks almost the same height as my dad and has to look down to make eye contact with me.
@MediumDrinkOfWater and @ghkid2019
I thought about my 30s being better before, I hope it's true. I got more insecure about my height because now I don't look young anymore. I never get ID'd when buying booze but when I was 19 I was getting ID'd left and right. I think I pass for late 20s especially with facial hair, but the height doesn't match the face if that makes sense.
I think I have near ideal proportions at my current height, but it won't necessarily be horrible if I do the surgery. I'm not the type of person to do something without thorough research of what I'm getting into. The isolation part is really easy for me. I've been isolating for the last 2 years as a side effect of being depressed and smoking weed, then developing depersonalization and not being able to orient myself when I'm outside and now covid-19 isolation just made it even worse.
I won't even consider it until I'm financially independent and stable and have checked everything off in terms of mental health, physical health, time off work, etc. and I probably won't tell anyone.
The question boils down to whether or not the surgery is worth it. I do only want 3cm on my femurs (at first) because I want a good femur to tibia ratio. Ideally i want to also do 2.5cm on my tibias for a total increase of 5.5-6cm. That will put me in solid 5'8 territory, which I think would have a huge impact on my life. My shortest male cousin is about 173-174cm with super long legs, maybe as long as mine will be post surgery. He looks great and gives off the illusion of being 5'10. There's a photo of us sitting down and honestly we look the exact same height without our legs. Our faces, shoulders, bone width etc. are very similar, but I think his pelvis is wider which makes it work and look proportional. I feel weird for even knowing these facts about him, something has to be not normal in my brain.
Quote from: HobbesTheDog on April 30, 2020, 09:33:55 PMIf you're sure that Accutane stunted your growth, you can try going to Dr. Rozbruch. I hear that unlike other doctors, he tries to find excuses to make insurance cover the surgery, including hormonal deficiencies.
http://www.limblengthening.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/STATURE-2019.pdf
It probably didn't even stunt my height by a centimeter, but we will never know for sure. Accutane has a higher affinity to close the growth plates in the lower limbs and I don't think I'm lacking in leg growth. I took a low dose for only about 2 months and probably missed doses often. I was about 5'4 and puberty was just about Tanner 5, yet I still managed to squeeze out a good 2 inches afterwards. I probably just take after my 5'1 mom while my taller brother looks very similar to my dad. Just a genetic difference I guess. Still sucks being the shortest male in my whole family across 2 generations.
I do have low HGH as of a blood test that came back last year. I wonder how long I've had it like that, because it was very high when I was 11. Trying to get it sorted out for reasons other than height but my doctor keeps deflecting my issues. He's the same doctor that just shrugged off my height concerns when I was a teen.
I would like to do a small surgery to bring me up 3-4cm kinda like this picture. This guy has proportions similar to me and his natural height is almost like mine. I know it's not a lot and most of you think it won't help but I beg to differ. I am very aware of my thoughts and understand that this small height increase will make me feel complete. I don't care that it's still kinda short, I'm really doing this for my self image not for the way others perceive me.
I view leg lengthening for me as the last resort right now. I am still quite young and don't want to make rash decisions before my sense of self / brain is done developing. I hope this will just end with me accepting myself the way I am and moving on. I don't have the data to back it up but I'm sure the amount of people insecure about their height/image has skyrocketed in the new generation because of social media.
If therapy doesn't help after a few years then I know you guys will be waiting for me over here 
Quote from: marathonrunner on May 01, 2020, 08:19:13 AMIs that you on the left? Or is that a different person who did LL and its a before/after of that person?
I mean if those are your proportions (left image).. those legs dont look oddly long compared to the torso (according to the photo)
That is a different person. F it.. I'll just post myself.
Made a thread: http://www.limblengtheningforum.com/index.php?topic=65044.msg173725#msg173725
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