My Surgery is scheduled next year, but I am getting quite nervous about this all.

I will still go through with it, but I get moments where I go from pure conviction to...

What the hell am I doing? Dropping so much money in a global recession, doing this in pure secret away from my family, going through the inevitable pain and uncertainty that may follow.

But then I realise that, my life will change, dramatically after this. I will finally be able to take one big real step towards settling down and being happy and being with a future soulmate. It's sad we're biological creatures and it's sad...that this stuff matters.

It just feels draining to be working overtime/other jobs just to save up for this, only to then take out five months doing it.