How did you tell loved ones?

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Hi all,

After doing some extensive research I am pretty sure I’m going to be doing CLL with Dr Debiparshad once Stryde comes back, hoping to go from 168 cm to 176 cm. I realize that for obvious reasons people who do this surgery don’t tell anyone before hand but I am sure there are cases where it’s inevitable.

I am in a serious long term relationship with someone I live with so there’s no way around doing this without telling them beforehand. She is about 3 inches shorter than me and has never had any issues with my height although she knows I’m self conscious about my height, so I am anticipating that she will be pretty against it. We have talked about the surgery before (ie me mentioning that I saw an article where people got this type of surgery), but I’ve never mentioned that I have considered it. In fact once I joked that if she got a BBL I would get CLL, she had a laugh at that.

So to people who have done this before and had to discuss it with your partner beforehand, how did you tell them? How did they react?

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Quote from: DonBones on September 15, 2021, 05:57:32 AMI told my wife and at first she was shocked and told me this is some crazy sh*. And honestly, to some degree I thought she's right. That is why I explained to her how I ended up, mentally, in the situation in which I feel compelled to do it. This means I showed my vulnerable side and let her in on the part of my life where I took some damage. Let's be honest, we don't end up doing LL just because we want a few extra inches. This is first and foremost a mental problem we are solving here - we want to be free, we want to be confident, we want to live our lives without fear and without a rock that somehow got tied to our feet a long time ago. Is LL a cosmetic procedure? I am not so sure. I think for many of us it is much more than that. The benefits go way beyond just a few inches in extra height. Who knows, a more confident you may be more successful at work which may result in a better income for your family.

When my wife saw the bigger picture she came onboard. If someone truly loves you they don't want you to hurt yourself so they will oppose any cosmetic procedure that involves breaking legs, but when you explain that the procedure isn't quite as cosmetic as it looks on first glance and that there are more profound issues to be solved, her opinion will be more well-rounded and more in your favour because she also wants you to be happy.

So what you need is a frank faceup conversation about why you feel the way you feel, that is the important bit. Why do you have a problem and why do you feel strongly about fixing it. There must be a very good reason and if your partner loves you then she will understand. If, however, you beat around the bush and tell her some BS like you grew "a few inches because you went to bed before 10PM", you might disappoint her twice, once for taking her for an utter idiot and then for lying to her about something as serious as this. This procedure is very tough, what you need is support and what you definitely do not need is drama with your partner. Trust me, I saw people in the hospital who spent days contemplating what they will tell their parents when they get discharged from hospital because he did it in secret. When the day finally arrived, there were a lot of tears and a lot of fear and also regret.

Be honest with her, it will be worth it.

Hey DonBones,

Thank for the advice, I appreciate it. How is your journey so far with Betz? I have actually considered him some too in case Stryde takes too long to comeback. Only issue is I am in the US.

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Quote from: Body Builder on September 15, 2021, 06:37:47 PMI told my then gf that I wanted to become taller and LL is something I planed to do and I will do it at all costs as I wasn't happy with my height. She was ok with that, she was just afraid that all this time with a so massive surgery will harm our relationship.
She was right as we broke up 1-2 months before I removed my frames.
And she was the one and only girl that knew about my LL. Nonother gf I had never learned anything about it and it is something that I will keep it confidential to anyone (except my parents and 2 very close friends of them) till I die.

Thanks for that perspective. I don’t mean to pry so please don’t feel like you need to answer but did you have a strong relationship before the surgery? Was the break up directly caused by CLL or were there other issues and this was just the final straw? 

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Quote from: DonBones on September 15, 2021, 06:23:14 PMHey,

so far so good. I am at 4.2cm at this point, meaning that I should be able to reach my lengthening goal next week if all goes well.

In my case everything went smoothly so far. The clicking was fairly easy from the start and got even better after about 3cm, so that now it's a matter of 5 minutes per day for both legs. The X-Ray was good, showing callus, a perfectly aligned nail and all screws tightly in place. My walk is slightly wide, but both Betz and Peter Woll, my physiotherapist, told me that considering I am at an advanced stage it's still very good.

So on the whole I can't complain, but I will reserve my final verdict until I am actually done

It's actually no problem that you're from the US. There were two patients from the US while I was there, and even someone from Nigeria. I'd recommend you stay in Germany for a few weeks after the hospital, however, to make sure you can click confidently and there are no problems that need immediate attention from Betz because once you're back in the US seeing Betz will be difficult.

I personally spent time at Elke's guesthouse before the hospital and then the Parkhotel Weiskirchen after the hospital and have to say the Parkhotel is better because they have a gym, a pool, a park where you can walk and a big facility where you can book a massage or a lymphatic drainage. It is also very close to Peter Woll who I strongly recommend you see before you go out into the wild because he is an extremely experienced physiotherapist who has seen hundreds if not thousands of LL patients. He has a sharp eye for what you will have to focus on and advice on how to work on your weaknesses.

In case you are interested in the financial matters, it came to around 60000€ / $70000 for everything so far

Of course, also read all diaries of the current patients. It will give you a more well rounded view, particularly on topics like clicking, which can vary in terms of difficulty and pain. Perhaps I will also write my own diary or review at some point soon.

Good luck!

Thanks for all that info, I will definitely keep it in mind since I want to have a weight bearing nail and it doesn’t look like Stryde will be available for a while. Early next year would probably be the best time for me to start so I have to take that into consideration.

I don’t mind necessarily mind traveling to Germany although I would prefer to the procedure in the US. I guess my biggest question with it is how are check ups, x rays, prescription medication handled while I’m here. The US healthcare system is a whole mess so I’m not sure how it would work ie if I run out of medication can he prescribe me something if he’s in another country or would I have to go to a general doctor here? That’s the type of thing I gotta consider.

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Quote from: DonBones on September 16, 2021, 05:58:53 AMRe X-Rays - I had mine done here in London and they dropped Betz the DICOM file via a link. He gave me feedback within two hours. It's fairly easy.

Prescription medication - Betz will supply you with a bag containing all the medicine you need considering your lengthening goal. Should a top up be needed, the way it works in the UK is we ask our GP (who treat common conditions, give out prescriptions or refer people to specialists) to provide a prescription. Having said that, should you need to top up, you will not be able to get Novalgin in the US because it's not available there. In my opinion this is not a big deal because you will also get Tramadol, which is an effective painkiller by itself, and you can take something other than Novalgin in addition to it should you need to.

If you are seriously considering Betz I suggest you reach out soon because they're fully booked until mid 2022 and when I was there he was performing surgeries almost daily.

For any other questions feel free to reach out via a PM as we're kind of heading off topic here

Thanks I’ll do that!