Anyone who’s either gone through with this surgery or is considering it I’m sure will have gone through a lengthy rigmarole of pros and cons, and this is something I’m really struggling with right now.
While still a very difficult decision, I guess it’s easier for people who are most certainly considered very short — those who have gone through a lifetime of mental torment due to their height — to make the choice to do the surgery; the surgery, although very challenging, outweighs an element of their life that has become the defining reason as to why they’re unhappy.
As your starting height goes up, obviously the less stigmatized you are for your height, and theoretically, the more on the side of not going through with the surgery you should be.
Where you could make the case that someone of 5’3 may see a huge benefit in getting to average height (both in terms of their mental health, experience in society, job prospects, etc) and that someone at 6'0 should, on weighing it up, should elect to forget about it, I'm 5'8.5; I'm smack bang in the middle of that very-beneficial-or-not-beneficial-at-all spectrum, which only serves to make me endlessly question whether or not this is a good decision or not.
At first, my dysphoria developed only as it pertained to being attractive to women, but today, it is far less the reason I'm unhappy about my height. It's difficult to properly articulate it, but the reason is tied to the very essence of feeling adequately manly, and some inherent inferiority I feel not even being average height, let alone possessing the desirable, dominant characteristics of tallness that is respected and considered attractive by both men and women. I feel sort of childlike; when I'm out clubbing or out with friends, I'm always comparing heights with people I pass and feeling inferior. I wear lifts, and then also add to those feelings of being a fraud and a bit pathetic for doing so.
I've come to realize this is a deeply philosophical topic -- and I feel like I can't properly express my feelings due to a lack of not only a good understanding of the multifactorial topics that go into it (be they the fundamental laws of human attraction, societal implications, etc), but a lack of understanding of myself and why I personally feel the way I do.
The only thing I'm dead certain about is that I'm deeply unhappy with my height. But is that a reason to go through such a lengthy and expensive process? Why are people my height happy and I'm not? Shouldn't then the answer be to change my mind? Am I mentally subnormal? and such thoughts...
Realistically, I'm in a pretty good place to do this surgery right now. I have the money, I live in London so have the surgery easily accessible to me with Dr. Giotikas, and I work from home. Nevertheless, the question of should I is a torturous one, and one only I can make.
Just thought I’d note down some thoughts I’ve been having recently; it’s good to organize them in writing, and I’d hazard a guess that there are many here who feel the same way.
Some thoughts rattling around violently in my brain right now
Quote from: TheDream on August 18, 2023, 09:17:28 PM
As to why this happens to some and not others, I suspect the key here is the way we process experiences related to height. The two extremes of processing experiences like this is 1. internalizing them, and 2. externalizing them.
What does this mean exactly?
Well take an extreme example of someone who cannot handle criticism. If you tell the person that they are being unpleasant right now, they react by yelling and insulting you doing so to no end in sight. Now imagine they always do this.
What their brain is doing is taking the hot ball of emotion that comes from the criticism, and immediately firing that energy out of their system, and back onto you.
Now take the opposite example. Someone who immediately shuts down due to shame, and absorbs the entire load of negative emotions from the criticism, and is overly embarrassed about it. Basically letting the bad emotion rattle their entire skeleton to the core.
If we take a look at height. These two examples could be shown to be one short man being overly aggressive when presented with a bad emotion due to their short height. This is a classic stereotype known as Napoleon syndrome. Often portrayed in the media when it comes to short men.
The opposite would then be one who looks down defeated, and absorbs the bad emotion as shame of their body, and being inadequate as a man, thus internalizing it.
I suspect that most if not all of us here are part of the internalized group. That is, we have internalized the idea of being inadequate as men due to height.
In todays society we are bombarded with this view 24/7. In movies, on social media, on dating apps etc. As other people are also bombarded with this view you get a feedback loop where they will also give you reinforcement that this is in fact true.
Therefore, if you have absorbed and internalized this view, that you are inadequete as a man, then as time goes on, you will feel this more and more as you are exposed to the feedback loop.
If you then mix in a personality that is hellbent on fixing problems, and finding a way, relentlessly, you end up with a prospective LL’er.
So as to why other short men don’t feel this way I suspect the following:
1. A psychological defense mechanism that protected them better against absorbing the view that short men are inadequate.
This could be a healthy one, like maybe they are good at a physical sport or martial art, so they are relaxed and confident that their short body is very powerful, and maybe they have agility or technique that means they know they are to be respected. Or simply an externalizing defense mechanism that makes them lash out and just never absorbing any bad view on themselves.
Or perhaps they were just exposed to less bad height related incidents.
2. A different personality
It could be that a lot of short men, perhaps a large majority, have internalized the view that they are inadequate due to their height, but they simply dont have the personality trait of being hellbent on solving such a problem no matter what and simply wont quit.
Mix in an internalized view of short men being inadequete + a persistent problem solving personality and you get a prospective LL’er.
Very insightful post, thanks for your input. What you say here makes total sense, and I suppose the natural following question is: is there a cure besides physically altering your body? Would such an all-consuming preoccupation with height be classified as body dysmorphia? And if so, shouldn't that be treated with psychotherapy?
Of course, psychotherapy for helping with this issue is said to very rarely work; I would expect this has a lot to do with the fact that, as you say, the idea of this being a legitimate issue to be concerned about is routinely ingrained in us by society. If that's the case, is it really body dysmorphia? Because all you're doing is identifying an issue society does deem to be important that you do not possess, where dysmorphia suggests your perceived woes are your mind's fiction.
Quote from: jerrytheman on August 19, 2023, 01:31:10 AMMost people don't know about the surgery. If you're 5'1 but you don't know about a way to get taller, then your brain will accept it. Because there's nothing you can do about it. Or if your financials isnt there, or you just dont have 8 months to recover because maybe you have a family or whatever.
But then when you know about the surgery and the possibilities. And you can afford it, and take the time you need to recover. Then this thought of, you CAN be taller will live rent free in your mind until you do it.
That's very true. In fact, due to work commitments when I found out about this surgery, I too put it out of my mind as a total infeasibility. Now that it's a possibility, the idea of it occupies my mind daily. Cheers.
Quote from: NailedLegs on August 19, 2023, 03:14:21 AMNobody can answer these questions except for you, because it is truly a personal decision. Your mental state and way of thinking is unique, and it's impossible to give you a blanket statement. You are right about being 5'8.5" is sorta on the line of "sorta short, but sorta not really". The empirical evidence shows that there is benefit going from below 5'10", to 5'10". And there is benefit going even up to 6'0", but not much benefit after:
Ask yourself, "If I get this surgery, will my quality of life and mental state improve enough to outweigh the time, money, and pain I'd have to subject myself too?"
Spend some time to really think about that. A few days, weeks, even months! Because height is relative, the taller you are, the less benefit there will be, but clearly there is still benefit from growing beyond 5'8.5".
Great post, thank you.
Quote from: GrowGrow123 on August 19, 2023, 03:54:40 AMI used to be 5' 9' (similar height to you). I first read about limb lengthening surgery during the pandemic.
My first thought was, surely this must be unsafe! Then I did research and discovered that it's quite safe if done with a reputable surgeon.
My next thought was, surely this must permanently affect your ability to do things! Then I did research and discovered that people make pretty close to full recovery and can still do sports and go to the gym after recovering.
My next thought was, surely this must make your proportions look alien-like! Then I did research and discovered that pretty much everyone looks pretty normal afterwards.
My next thought was, surely this must be something I can't possibly afford anyways! Then I did research and discovered that I could definitely afford this without problem and even work remotely throughout the process.
At that point, the idea of this surgery just kind of lived rent-free in my head for a long time and I had no real mental objection to why I shouldn't do it. I wanted to come up with a reason, but I couldn't. I am decently fit and take care of myself and this mental image of what I could be as a "tall" person on top of that became difficult to shake.
I had my consultation in late January and got the surgery done in mid March. 5 months later, I am now over 6ft tall and am able to walk without issue (although the gait still isn't quite perfect). I love the way I look in the mirror, I feel more confident in social settings, and am overall quite happy to have done it.
I don't say this to try to encourage you to do this. On the contrary, if you can go on with your life without doing it, then you probably should, lol. This process is painful, brutal, and mentally draining. It's not for the faint of heart. But it is a rewarding experience for those willing to go through all the hardship to get to the end.
Interesting insight, thanks for sharing your experience.
Quote from: Kangarooboy on August 19, 2023, 05:08:26 AMI recently completed LL surgery and achieved a 7cm increase in height. Though I'm currently in the recovery phase and my back and legs are yet to fully regain their strength, the transformation from approximately 5'7 to 5'10/5'11 is already evident. What's even more satisfying is the positive feedback I'm receiving from strangers. This early affirmation makes the entire journey feel incredibly worthwhile. Additionally, the newfound sense of confidence and masculinity is an unexpected but welcome bonus. It's worth noting that I was contemplating this surgery for nearly two years has taught me the value of pursuing change when your sitting on the fence. Embracing change/hardship often leads to fewer regrets down the road. I had all the same questions as growgrow in the beginning but after hours of research and months of thinking I decided that it's the right decsion.
Thanks for the insight, congrats on the great results!
Quote from: DanishViking on August 19, 2023, 06:44:58 AMI agree with others and how you fell however imagine if you where 5'5 1/2 like me how it much feel? XD But of course you can always find someone worse off than yourself and that doesn't mean your problem isn't serious. If you constantly think about it, then do it!! But if it's like a once a month thing seing a guy taller than you and then that reminding you that it would be cool to be a little taller then I would say no. Not worth all that invasive surgery if it ain't a BIG problem for someone.
True, guess you just have to weigh it up carefully at the end of the day. Cheers.
Quote from: lessthanavg8300 on August 19, 2023, 06:50:48 PMHow old are you? This process is going to take a couple years from surgery to nails out and dealing with scars. So just be prepared to sacrifice that part of your life. That means no walking normal for some of this time, no sports, partners will see scars, etc.
I'm 26. Luckily I work from home and have everything I need around me. The only sacrifice besides those associated with the actual surgery is social. Cheers.
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