UNICORN - Dr. Guichet Internal Femurs 8cm - Summer 2016

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J+26

Height Gained : 3.7cm / 162.2cm

Thanks for all your support   In fact, Musicmaker did send me a pm herself and explained what she went through.  I thought that was kind of her.  It's ok, I'm uncannily calm in the eye of a storm   Had pulmonary edema at the peak of Kilimanjaro and had to be carried down by my armpits, fell twice, rolling down sharp volcanic rocks, getting shredded everywhere, and I was still thinking... "hmmm, maybe they should have Bubble Boy's costume for emergencies, more efficient that way".

Same thing, was bitten by a baby shark as a kid in the Indian Ocean, and the only thing going through my mind was, "Wow! This is soooo cool, can't wait to tell my friends about it in school on Monday".  Of course, the grown-ups had to intervene and totally ruined it for me.  It was a real proverbial village pillage complete with pitchforks and torches.  The poor baby didn’t stand a chance as it got pummelled by torchlights, spanners, pepsi bottles, frying pan, kitchen sink... to a sorry tartare.  I still had to go to the hospital as jaw’s teeth were still lodged around my ankle.  I was crying (not out of pain) but for the poor baby shark who didn’t deserve such a violent death.  I could have adopted it, become BFFs as it swam contentedly in a round fish bowl, and when it got too large, my mum could flush it down the toilet (BUT not before greedily slashing off the fins for soup since we're savage chinese).

The fact is we're all a community, crazy or not, who want to be taller.  Like any other community who, say, might want to change eye color.  It's risky, precarious and we stick together and share experiences in the hopes that someone benefits and suffers less.  The point is all our body compositions especially bones are so different that there is simply no identical cases.

Doc G warned me not to change horses in mid race (ie. seek other docs to repair) as he had 2 patients who did and ended up worst off.  He's booking me end Sep for a double osteotomy.  The good news is I didn't lose my 3cm gained on the Guichet Nail.  It's actually my fracture and curved femur that's shrunken me.  I've ordered adjustable shoe lifts and hopefully will be able to distribute my weight evenly.  In the meantime, trying to avoid the next challenge - the 4-6cm stretching pain - so I do spend a lot of time conditioning my good leg, stretching my IT band, hip flexors, quad and hamstrings.

Call me foolish, but perhaps the graveness of my situation hasn't sunk in yet, but I do trust Guichet (he even has an engineering degree on top of all the Dr. House stuff) and his attitude towards complications is a very practical one (EVERYONE has it one way or another! So if you can’t handle the risk, don’t even think about it - £300 please for this consultation).  He even makes you sign a waiver that states you might need up to 4 surgeries in case of complications.  And I get it.  It's a very individual surgery, he has ABSOLUTELY no control after the operating theatre of your movements, the risks you take, your ignorance and stupidity etc etc etc.  Without falling, I could have strained myself simply by trying to crawl from one end of my bed to another, or the time when I had to fish my pee funnel with my toothbrush etc.

I just feel sorry that nobody believed me enough to give me a morphine patch when I felt like being stabbed by the broken splinter of a pencil every time I moved my left leg last weekend

That said, here are some new skills acquired (we're circus animals after all):

Toe Crabbing
Mighty talented toes that can pick up anything from the floor, switch on buttons, undo zippers/wrappers, pet ungrateful cats (she says it’s called kicking and is very disrespectful to her species!)

Princess and the Pea
My butt can detect anything I sit on - it started one night when it felt like I was sitting on barnacles, sharp and penetrating, I thought I had dredged dust/sand onto my bed.  My butt vehemently said KFC and it was spot on the money.  Spicy wing crunch crumbs.  My butt can detect sesame seeds (black vs white), wires (iPhone vs iPad), USBs, credit cards (it can even read them out ala braille)

Casting The Fishing Net
When you’ve no one to tuck you in at night (moi ), you better get adept at bunching your blankets strategically enough and cast them like a wizened fisherman does, so that it covers both your toes snugly.  Now that’s talent!  If you've to do it 200 times, that's called good for nothing.

Lucky Lasso
If you’re training on your own and you can’t reach your toes or if on belly and can’t reach your ankles, you need to lasso your resistance training band accurately enough, it catches onto your ankles at exactly the right angle and comfort level so that you can train your legs.  Takes skill as the band is sticky and you almost need it to hit right in the centre so both your arms have the same length pull.

Sloth Arms
I'm proud to announce that my hands have stepped up to the plate.  I can ‘walk’ around with my 2 hands, they can stretch and reach far off objects, they multi-task like no busy mum can, my fingers can hook lost items from under the bed, it spends all its time opening and shutting windows, charging electrical devices and rearranging heavy pillows.  What would I do without them? I bet Doc G can lengthen them too.

Rolling Stone
Another talent you’d never fathom having.  You can’t get up, you’re stuck with concrete legs that can’t move due to pain.  You learn how to pull your legs tight together (like a fish tail) and roll about until you get to your destination.  I often surprise people when they think that it’s finally safe I'm locked up in the attic for the insane.  I'd suddenly show up at the dining table (or rather under it looking all nonchalant).

Pain Fog
Anytime I can't be bothered to speak to anyone, I start mumbling unintelligibly, ending the mumble jumble with "pain meds".  People usually excuse themselves sheepishly for being SO INCONSIDERATE!

So there, it ain't all so bad.  Am taking all this, one baby step at a time, including digesting both good and bad news.  At least I didn't lose the 3cm effort made on the G nail   And Doc G's super challenged to mend me (he likes new cases - he would have been an indomitable sparring partner for Dr Temperance Bones).

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Hi Unicorn,
Sorry to read about your complication. At the same time i like your humorous writing style. I have 1 question: where exactly is your fracture, and didn't you need a surgery to fix it?

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Quote from: hanshi on August 20, 2016, 02:04:11 PMHi Unicorn,
Sorry to read about your complication. At the same time i like your humorous writing style. I have 1 question: where exactly is your fracture, and didn't you need a surgery to fix it?

Hi Hanshi,

Unfortunately, Doc G kept my xray and hasn't uploaded onto our shared drive yet (it will be 2019 when he gets around to it, I'm sure!).  I'm calling the hospital to send me a copy.  Because I know it's at the bottom nail area and if I look at my thighs, it's very swollen about 10cm above my knees.  And if by accident, I yank my leg in the wrong way, I get stabbed again by that splintered pencil.

In any case, I tried drawing the xray to my physio to better understand where, how and why shrunken height?  When he saw my drawing, he said it looked like 2 smurfs riding on a see-saw .  So I'm of no use.

I'll explain more when I actually understand better.  Am sure Doc G reiterated everything clearly at his office, but as I said, I was in a catatonic state of shock, I didn't register much except POSSIBLE TO FIX... and NO EXTRA CHARGE

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Really enjoying these posts, they're very well written, keep it up.

I can definitely relate to some of your new found abilities.

As for your complications, hang in there, at least Guichet is one of the better ones.

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Unicorn, here's a fundamental question (veteran LLers feel free to chime in):  what is the go-to physical activity when not in PT?  Walking in a pool?  Stationary bike?  Assume yoga isn't doable.  What is the go-to?

Mayor Mark

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Quote from: mrmayor on August 20, 2016, 05:33:43 PMUnicorn, here's a fundamental question (veteran LLers feel free to chime in):  what is the go-to physical activity when not in PT?  Walking in a pool?  Stationary bike?  Assume yoga isn't doable.  What is the go-to?

Mayor Mark

Go-to the loo

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  Good one

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Quote from: mrmayor on August 20, 2016, 05:33:43 PMUnicorn, here's a fundamental question (veteran LLers feel free to chime in):  what is the go-to physical activity when not in PT?  Walking in a pool?  Stationary bike?  Assume yoga isn't doable.  What is the go-to?

Hi Mayor Mike,

I think it largely depends on your Doctor.  Guichet is strict and believes that all activities resumed in the first 2 weeks will determine the rest of your recovery period.  So here are things I do:

• Stationary bike is number 1 priority - really gets blood pumping and loosens the stiffness in your legs
• He gave us 10x20 sets of 10 exercises to do, so it keeps me moving almost all day long
• Sounds banal - but independent trips to bathroom and showers
• Guichet insists we crutch up and down stairs for fun!
• Visit other LLers in different rooms (we also have a group Whassap to discuss ailments and tips)
• Eating in restaurants - great exercise as you've to constantly move your legs under the table
• Cooking - it's a great exercise as the standing is brutal
• For me, it was learning how to breathe yoga-style, nose in, hold, nose out, hold - and see how it slows heart palpitations, relaxes muscles and eases pain

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Unicorn, I'm very sorry to hear about the fracture but glad that you have a path to healing. Has your pain lessened?

Keep your spirits up, this shall all pass (this from the armchair QB who hasn't done LL yet, but will in a few months)

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Quote from: jbc on August 21, 2016, 08:48:28 AMUnicorn, I'm very sorry to hear about the fracture but glad that you have a path to healing. Has your pain lessened?

Hi JBC,

Thanks for your concern.  Yes, the moment I stopped clicking, my left leg is DEAD.  No pain but at the wrong angle, I feel the fracture like an electric shock. 

My right leg's a different story, I've been working the muscles pretty hard as I need one good solid leg.  So at night, I get muscle soreness to the extent I wake up in the middle of the night begging for icepacks.  I can see all these new veins developing and am so proud of that!

Doc G is right.  Week 3 on, your pains subside and next hurdle will be clicking pains once you're post 4-6cm depending on your body, tissue, flexibility etc.

There're always nagging short term aches like throbbing of the hip screw area, or nerve like pull at the side of the knee or even a hollow sore where the gap is... but I attribute these to GROWING PAINS!

So I embrace them with wide open arms!