Even though i'm so fkn obsessed with my height as much as I want to kill myself almost on a daily basis, I'm not sure if i can do LL, it's my one and only option.
A week ago, I went to see the doc to check my blood values. I'm not even afraid of giving blood, nor am I afraid from blood collection needles.
While my blood was filling the tubes, I focused at the tube; normally it really is not recommended to look at the tubes while giving your blood because it might cause instant pressure drop.
I was happy, I looked at the tube and told the nurse, "Well, it's so weird. The blood is filling the tube too fast." and after that I laughed, then suddenly, I passed out.
I didn't even realise that I passed out cause everything was going smooth, as soon as I opened my eyes I realised that I passed out because the nurses and my mother were anxious. As soon as I woke up I smiled and said that I'm good, then they told me that I passed out. I was shocked, first time me passing out btw.
The point is, even though I focused at the tube, it's still very unlikely to have a pressure drop I guess. I feel like my body is too sensitive.
I also thought about the catheter, even writing the word "catheter" made me feel nauseous. That's how sensitive my body is. If I won't be able to deal with the tiniest thing about the procedure, such as having a catheter, how the hell am I going to have the surgery and have a MODIFICATION into my legs while knowing it for such a long time? I feel like i'd feel nauseous all the fkn time.
The worst thing is, there is NO goddamn option but LL. I want to be taller and fit the goddamn clothes. I don't want to wear thick as fk shoes. I cannot even put my vans, because its height boost is low.
I feel like suicide is way easier, please don't trash talk. I'm being reasonable. I don't think I can handle this procedure, but as I mentioned before, this height neurosis makes me want to kill myself. I literally feel angry and agressive all the time just because of my body. The only reason causes it is my height. I need to change it, but in some other way.
I just wish that there was a pill which could re-generate your goddamn growth plates.. just imagine. No fkn osteotomy. No fkn nails.
What should I do? Does anyone have ideas? How can I not be a pxssy? I try to think about those people who did both segments lengthening, how did they even handle it?
Best Regards, sorry for the puke out. I just had to.
I'm up to any kind of responses. Just please comment whatever you want while knowing that I'm a human being and I have feelings.
Therapy
I actually had seen a psycholog about my other issues related to my girlfriend. He had 0 impact on me. I'm not that kind of a person who would get better after therapy, I guess. I'm stubborn as hell even though I'm trying not to be. It's just my subconscious.
Maybe try a psychiatrist that can possibly prescribe antidepressants. Controversial opinion maybe, but I think drugs can certainly do more help than harm for some types of problems
Yes, you are thinking in the same way as I do. But there is a problem.
I'm on my last year of the high school, have to take an uni enterance exam in 10 months. I have to re-vise all the 4 years of the high school just for that exam. So, it's going to be a fast tempo. I wonder if drugs would completely fk me up.
But there's another thing, i cannot even study because of having suicidal thoughts overall, not just about my height. There are several issues. Not like, family or anything. It's about me seeing the life itself in a different way. "Everything is purposeless and stupid" kinda way. But If i was taller I could feel like a god and at least have fun lol..
So, as I can't study properly at this time, I think I could give a shot to the drugs; what do you think about this?
Start a therapy, you are literally obsessed with LL despite your great height, you’re wasting your days in this crap place, you need to clean your mind and to identify your problems with a doctor.
Quote from: a on August 27, 2020, 12:50:29 PMEven though i'm so fkn obsessed with my height as much as I want to kill myself almost on a daily basis, I'm not sure if i can do LL, it's my one and only option.
A week ago, I went to see the doc to check my blood values. I'm not even afraid of giving blood, nor am I afraid from blood collection needles.
While my blood was filling the tubes, I focused at the tube; normally it really is not recommended to look at the tubes while giving your blood because it might cause instant pressure drop.
I was happy, I looked at the tube and told the nurse, "Well, it's so weird. The blood is filling the tube too fast." and after that I laughed, then suddenly, I passed out.
I didn't even realise that I passed out cause everything was going smooth, as soon as I opened my eyes I realised that I passed out because the nurses and my mother were anxious. As soon as I woke up I smiled and said that I'm good, then they told me that I passed out. I was shocked, first time me passing out btw.
The point is, even though I focused at the tube, it's still very unlikely to have a pressure drop I guess. I feel like my body is too sensitive.
I also thought about the catheter, even writing the word "catheter" made me feel nauseous. That's how sensitive my body is. If I won't be able to deal with the tiniest thing about the procedure, such as having a catheter, how the hell am I going to have the surgery and have a MODIFICATION into my legs while knowing it for such a long time? I feel like i'd feel nauseous all the fkn time.
The worst thing is, there is NO goddamn option but LL. I want to be taller and fit the goddamn clothes. I don't want to wear thick as fk shoes. I cannot even put my vans, because its height boost is low.
I feel like suicide is way easier, please don't trash talk. I'm being reasonable. I don't think I can handle this procedure, but as I mentioned before, this height neurosis makes me want to kill myself. I literally feel angry and agressive all the time just because of my body. The only reason causes it is my height. I need to change it, but in some other way.
I just wish that there was a pill which could re-generate your goddamn growth plates.. just imagine. No fkn osteotomy. No fkn nails.
What should I do? Does anyone have ideas? How can I not be a pxssy? I try to think about those people who did both segments lengthening, how did they even handle it?
Best Regards, sorry for the puke out. I just had to.
Don't ever look the when you do a blood test. I did that mistake once and "got white".
I'm in a similar position with you. Blood tests, needles, catheters, etc make me sick.
Even if I had the money I probably wouldn't do LL for that reason, and for the procedure pain, the permanent pain and associated risks of course. We need a better method.
Pay attention to new topic related research that's coming out, even if you have to wait a decade for it to become available it's worth it. Have you tried LSJL?
Psychiatrists and psycologists probably won't do anything, but you can try.
It might not cure the height neurosis, but it can certainly help curb the suicidal thoughts and depression
Thank you all so much for paying attention and replying. I'm grateful. Yes, this place makes me even more obsessed, it's right. But it's great to have the idea of being able to "grow taller" even with a surgery, reading the diaries etc. It just gives me hope. That's the reason why I'm attached to this forum.
Also O_99, thank you for the response. I have seen the LSJL "thing" and read about it but unfortunately my english is not good enough to understand most of the terms about bones, etc. I couldn't understand a lot. So I'm kinda ignorant of that topic. If you could explain it in an easy way, I'd try to see what is going on.
Best Regards
edit: I'll try to get in touch with a reuptable psychiatrist.
You must be logged in to post a reply.