Yes I am planning to move away from home asap. I have started looking for jobs in other places. It will take my mind away from this situation but the problem is only partially solved.
Seriously guys this is frustrating. I threw my phone and broke it the other day when a family member sent me a stupid message with a link to a viral LL article (one with Dr D) on messenger. I don't think words can describe my state of mind. Since I did the full 8cm my proportions are slightly unusual. After people find out that I have done LL some are able to spot the odd proportions. This is another thing I regret. While lengthening my doc said I'm doing well and can go the full 8 instead of another surgery. So I just did it. Now I think it's quite conspicuous.
I don't even want to confront my family about all this because I fear that they will spread the word some more. I have lost faith in family. Why would they do this to me when I went through a painful ordeal right under their nose. Did they find something amusing that they wanted to gossip about it? particularly my sister.
RUINED everything by involving family in my LL journey.
No you should not bring it up. In fact, the more you bring it up the worse it will get, as you are drawing attention to it.
The best thing to do is simply ignore it, and never bring it up with anyone, if anyone brings it up via text or whatever either dont reply or reply with a laughing emoji.
You gain nothing from getting into an argument about this.
As to your sister or whomever, as I said before, someone doing LL is like the atomic bomb of gossip, no one will be able to resist the urge to tell someone close to them.
Wrecked I sort of know what your're going trough. My entire family don't support my choice of doing LL in the future. I literally don't have any good relationship espically with my parents anymore, because they keep trying to talk me out of doing it. My parents are wealthy and could easily support me financially, but have chosen not to do so, even tho I just need the last like 20% of the money.
At the end of the day if someone don't support you doing LL, that just tells you that they're bad at putting themselves in others shoes and unemphathic, and because of this should avoid them. It's better not to have toxic people in your life than try to change them, they're never going to be different.
Honestly I think everyone has something that is bad trait. Wether it's being short, having a big nose, being fat, bad style, bald etc people can always find something to bully you on. However they're usually only going to continue the bullying if you keep giving the right reaction by being mad or annoyed or seem like a easy victim and fall into there cards. Never give people that option, just simply ignore them like they don't exist.
But I guess wearing loser pants, (regular/slim?) not drawing unwanted attention towards it, and working on the things I listed before would greatly improve this aspect of your life. It did for me at least.
You can move to another city. Problem solved
It's is not like you went viral or public on the internet or the media. Only a small number of people know about you and the majority of people they talk to them about you won't even know your name.
Crazy idea : What if you lied to everyone you can lie to? Like deny everything, or tell them you had a deformity correction (worst case). There's no moral obligation to tell them the truth, it's none of their business. For my part, I don't expect them understand, so I plan to tell to lie/gaslight so simplify things. Be a mountain.
I imagine you must be living a nightmare (I'm not too far off from your situation, I just learned of my close ones leaked that I had surgery, I think some of my friends are onto me too RIP). Everything must be overwhelming right now, but I believe people will eventually forget, but it may take a while.
Like the others said, screw what everyone else thinks. Build you confidence.
If all else fails, yeah, move somewhere else. I assume you're young and have the rest of your life.
By the way, you are a new person now and you can make everything new. You can get a new home, new job, new life, new friends. You are not stuck in that certain city. I recommend you move out and forget you ever where short. Forget this forum too.
What did you honestly think was going to happen if you involved your ENTIRE immediate family in your LL process? As someone doing the surgery you know how ty human beings are. Did you not consider someone would spill? You should have been mentally prepared and ok with people knowing.
This is why if you don't want people to know, you should not tell a single soul. If you need financial help, too bad, take out loans or work for a while instead of having your family pay for it. Otherwise be prepared for the outcome where everyone in your personal life finds out.
If your family paid for the surgery you were going to have a hard time keeping it secret. As another poster mentioned you need to assume someone would spill.
Other problem about doing 8cm femurs and it being conspicuous is an increasing issue in the LL community due to docs advertising everywhere and patients going public.
"I went borderline suicidal after that and looked for ways to off myself (I am fine now thank you)"
I'm glad you are doing better now. That is incredibly serious.
Realistically, there's not much you can do at this point. Everybody knows and theres no going back. If the pain of your family knowing is that high, then your best bet is to simply just move to a new city. And also telling your family you don't wanna talk about the procedure.
Quote from: DanishViking on July 08, 2023, 06:49:27 PMWrecked I sort of know what your're going trough. My entire family don't support my choice of doing LL in the future. I literally don't have any good relationship espically with my parents anymore, because they keep trying to talk me out of doing it. My parents are wealthy and could easily support me financially, but have chosen not to do so, even tho I just need the last like 20% of the money.
At the end of the day if someone don't support you doing LL, that just tells you that they're bad at putting themselves in others shoes and unemphathic, and because of this should avoid them. It's better not to have toxic people in your life than try to change them, they're never going to be different.
I’m in a similar position to you. My parents could pay for Paley which would barely put a dent in their financials. However, they are adamant in their belief that limb lengthening is not the right choice for me.
While it’s frustrating that the closest people to you can’t seem to empathize with your situation, I don’t think cutting them off or even labeling them as toxic is the right choice. Despite not seeing eye to eye, understand that your parents always wish the best for you, even if they are wrong. If your life happens to go awry and you fall into deep , I imagine your family would be the few willing to help out.
For my situation, I’ve simply told them that we have our differences on limb lengthening and I’m willing to pay for it myself. But when the time comes, I hope to have their blessings which would make the recovery phase much easier.
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