Incredible mental breakdown

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Posted on Dec 7, 2018, 11:38 am

#1

I allow myself to post this here, I can't find more appropriate place for this.
My height dysmorphia takes control over my life. I can't sleep at night, I can't think about anything else.
The injustice and lack of support does not help. When I see taller woman than me, my soul leaves the body and I get avalanche of suicidal thoughts. I can't see the light and I can't see the end of this suffering...

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Posted on Dec 7, 2018, 11:43 am

#2

Quote from: MissLuna on December 07, 2018, 11:38:28 AMI allow myself to post this here, I can't find more appropriate place for this.
My height dysmorphia takes control over my life. I can't sleep at night, I can't think about anything else.
The injustice and lack of support does not help. When I see taller woman than me, my soul leaves the body and I get avalanche of suicidal thoughts. I can't see the light and I can't see the end of this suffering...

Hi MissLuna, I am really sorry to hear about what you are going through. You should try and get some counseling if you haven't already done so. Suicidal thoughts need to be kept in check. May I ask how tall you are?

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MissLuna

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Posted on Dec 7, 2018, 11:54 am

#3

I did million times try, I visited psychiatrists/therapists but they did not hear about dysmorphia, nor they can help me.
I am feeling so low, my only point was to go trough lenghtening procedure, but when I will be ready, realistically is 1-2 years.
I wanted to be a model, my whole life. But it requires to be 175cm-180cm. I am circa 160cm. So.. yeah

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Posted on Dec 7, 2018, 12:11 pm

#4

Quote from: MissLuna on December 07, 2018, 11:54:48 AMI did million times try, I visited psychiatrists/therapists but they did not hear about dysmorphia, nor they can help me.
I am feeling so low, my only point was to go trough lenghtening procedure, but when I will be ready, realistically is 1-2 years.
I wanted to be a model, my whole life. But it requires to be 175cm-180cm. I am circa 160cm. So.. yeah

There a lot of people in this forum in the same situation except that they are not suicidal. That's where you should focus on getting help and i am sure a therapist will be able to help you. It may be that the suicidal thoughts are not even directly related to your height.

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MissLuna

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Posted on Dec 7, 2018, 12:24 pm

#5

I am saying clearly that I am unhappy about my short height that does not let me to be a model... it's only thing I am passionate about. I am trapped in child's body.
The whole situation is way too hard for me, I am vulnerable to any kind of mental disorders, I developed anorexia as a teen to make my legs look longer, as thinner... this eats me like a cancer ,since many years. And the vision of situation that does not progress pushes me even more to the ground.

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Posted on Dec 7, 2018, 1:13 pm

#6

Quote from: MissLuna on December 07, 2018, 12:24:02 PMI am saying clearly that I am unhappy about my short height that does not let me to be a model... it's only thing I am passionate about. I am trapped in child's body.
The whole situation is way too hard for me, I am vulnerable to any kind of mental disorders, I developed anorexia as a teen to make my legs look longer, as thinner... this eats me like a cancer ,since many years. And the vision of situation that does not progress pushes me even more to the ground.

You need to think about things a bit less emotionally:

Modelling is a hugely competitive career - most girls don't make it
LL will leave you with some scars - how much depends on the technique and whether or not you have any complications - this may make it more difficult for to get a modelling career
Depending on whether you do both segments or just one you may end up being somewhat disproportionate
How would you feel if after getting LL you still were unable to get a career in modelling - would you accept that or would this make you more unhappy?

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MissLuna

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Posted on Dec 7, 2018, 1:33 pm

#7

This is what makes me even more depressed because I AM aware of that. Looks like situation with no escape

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Posted on Dec 7, 2018, 2:28 pm

#8

Quote from: MissLuna on December 07, 2018, 01:33:03 PMThis is what makes me even more depressed because I AM aware of that. Looks like situation with no escape

At almost 5'3 you are at a very good height for a girl and since you are considering being a model I assume you are also beautiful. I think you need to get some professional to help you get rid of the negativity that is troubling you. Only then should you consider LL. In any case, as you say you have 1-2 years before you could afford it. Use this time to improve your mental health. I hope you find peace and happiness.

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MissLuna

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Posted on Dec 7, 2018, 5:07 pm

#9

Thank you for good will, but I often come to that place where I see no point of trying. Full of frustration, very angry.

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wants2growtaller

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Posted on Dec 7, 2018, 7:23 pm

#10

its so funny that people assume that short women dont have height dysphoria or dont go through social struggles. im really sorry for what you are going through. ANd yea you are right these counsellors are not going to understand what its like to be short. Heck they may be heightis themselves. Im not a counsellor or a therapist. But I can be a friend to you if you need it. I think what happen to you is that you have internalize heightism. You have received these message that tall is beautiful , short is not and your worth as a woman must first come from looking beautiful. ANd I getr that. It is so ingrained that one can not escape it. But I think you have to first recognize that you are symptom and the root cause is this heightist culture. Its everywhere. I put a post on here that said How I did not internalize heightism. It might help you. Anyways thank you for being brave enough for saying what you are going through. Because a lot of short people are going through what you are going through.

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