Stripe's Journal - Dr. Barinov LATN Externals

Clinic Lengthening IV
2.7 CM

WAIT – wait.. where are you putting that needle?

Dr. Barinov: I must put it through the infected area and draw the blood that’s spreading around the area – bruising is not good and the infected blood can spread to other areas.

It’s been 11 days since I last turned and my pin cutting has become a large hole in my leg. Apparently the infection from the pin site had spread down to where the bone gap is – or rather where they broke the bone. It didn’t hurt too much but you can see the bruising.

Every single day for the last three weeks I’ve had to wake up early and get my bandages changed, have all my pins cleaned and have my leg plastered with anti-septic and anti-biotic ointment. Worse even, Dr. Barinov and Tsirkov have had to stick a needle in the pin cut to make sure the anti-septic formula was getting in the right places – and it HURTS. This entire pin cutting experience has far exceeded the pain I had in the hospital after the surgery. From what everyone has told me – no one has had pin cutting this bad or for this long.

When I asked why pin cutting happens the explanation I was given was that certain parts of the leg are mainly soft tissue and muscle and as I lengthen, the pins cut through the soft tissue in those areas.

The nurse walks over and prepares the anaesthesia to numb the area before they begin to draw blood. Needles always make me nervous and having it go into my leg where there is bruising, and no bone because of the gap makes me want to puke. Dr. Barinov sticks it in and I almost faint even though the pain is minimal. I’m sweating heavily as they draw the blood out and Dr. Tsirkov adjusts the seat so that I lean back and can’t watch. It’s over in 30 seconds.

I walk back slowly after it’s all finished, dragging my left leg the entire way. Not being able to stand on my left leg without sharp pain has led to my right leg becoming much stronger than my left. Because of this, my left foot turns to the left rather than being straight. Dr. Barinov and Dr. Tsirkov scold me every morning to exercise my leg and to push through the pain in order to walk straight but it’s just too difficult.

Dr. Barinov warns that if I don’t deal with this now – I’m going to develop knee bending and that it’s going to further slow me down later because he won’t let me lengthen if I have knee bending.

At this point – I’m really pissed. I should be at 4CM now but instead I’ve been stuck at 2.7. The other patients tell me not to get too upset – everyone deals with some sort of set back at some point.

All this free time means I’ve been socializing a lot with all the patients – there are new patients coming everyday, so far all corrections patients. At this point me and Amanda start to get pretty close – she’s been coming into my room at night to watch movies for the last week and a half. She’s a hard girl to read – she’s used to attention from guys so she knows how to play games – but it’s annoying because I’m never really sure where I stand with her.

I’m careful not to make any moves just yet because I’m not sure how she would respond although we have been getting pretty intimate – without actually getting intimate. There is something so interesting about Russian girls – they’re so beautiful and flirty and a lot of times they’re completely forward with what they want – which is refreshing. But this girl seems to be different – she prefers a chase – so a chase is what I’ll give her.


Pin cutting at its deepest - without infection


Infection and bruising around the bone cut - where the needle was inserted into

Clinic Lengthening V
2.7 – 3.2 CM

Eventually the pain from the pin cutting eases and the infection both from the pin cutting and where the bone was cut goes away. I had to take anti-biotic shots for two weeks – twice daily. Intramuscular injections are always painful and since they are usually given in the same area – they get worse each time because of the bruising. This finally meant that I could turn again even though I still had pin cutting pain – but at this point I couldn’t care less about the pain anymore and I just wanted to continue lengthening.

The issue I was having with my left leg was still there – my foot naturally pointed outwards to the left rather than pointing straight. I did manage to fix it in a week by forcing it straight and stretching but it came back later on. Things with Amanda had improved quite significantly – we were hooking up every night but she always wanted to take things more seriously than I did. I understood that this was temporary but as most girls do – she had expectations.

I liked being in the clinic because of the company, the luxury of living on the same floor as the clinic, having easy access to doctors and nurses, the fitness room and of course the girls and parties but I absolutely could no longer stand eating the food anymore. The food we were provided was from a “caterer” next door and in the beginning I enjoyed it but the food was so plain, so cheap, so oily and repetitive that I couldn’t even look at it anymore. I resorted to ordering food from restaurants, fast food delivery places, pizza and getting Tonya to bring McDonalds or Subway.

I lengthen to around 3.2CM but I do this by turning twice a day instead of four which takes me twice as long. I wanted to go slow to give the pin cutting a chance to heal but I really was going crazy having this process take so long. A new lengthening patient who was a local had arrived a month and a half after me and was already catching up to me.

Eventually Amanda is finished her recovery and she returns home. It’s been almost exactly two months since I had the surgery and it was coming up to the time where I had to pay for the next month’s rent for the clinic. I was the only international patient living in the clinic whereas everyone else had rented beautiful apartment that were a quarter of what I was paying to live here.

I started to calculate the money I had left and how much I would have left over after I paid for the nail surgery. One thing was for certain – it made zero sense for me to stay in clinic anymore. I could get a very modern studio apartment, with my own bathroom, bed/sofa, kitchen and privacy that was close to the clinic and would only cost $300 USD. Besides, I was paying way too much money to have food delivered and I couldn’t wait to have my own kitchen to cook real food in.

So it was settled then, out the clinic I go.

Chapter Five: Apartment Lengthening I
3.2 CM

Tonya helps me look for an apartment close to the clinic and we find a nice one a couple of days after looking. The morning before I left Dr. Tsirkov came into my room to tell me that he expects to see me at least 3 times a week at the clinic exercising and stretching – moving out isn’t an excuse to be lazy he reminds me.

Tonya refers me and the other international patients to Alexey, a man in late 20’s who speaks English and can help us purchase groceries and do other small tasks. He comes twice a week – on Tuesday’s and Saturday’s and delivers groceries. We pay him 5000 rubles which is the equivalent of $80 USD. I like him because he’s efficient, quick and always on time.

I settle into the apartment in no time and start cooking daily meals – much healthier than what I was eating in the clinic. For breakfast I would boil two eggs, eat rye crackers with peanut butter spread and a banana. Afterwards I would make a protein shake for lunch and eat any leftovers from dinner the night before – which ranged from tuna salad to chicken pasta to hamburgers. No matter what dinner was – it always had either a chicken breast, ground beef or tuna base.

It’s difficult to cook and the process usually takes two hours – cutting vegetables and preparing meat is time consuming, especially when you can’t walk and need to balance on crutches. The kitchen gets to be pretty messy after a week but a cleaning lady named Nadya comes every Friday to clean the place down – all the international patients pay her 1000 rubles which is the equivalent of $15 USD.

Since groceries are relatively cheap in Russia, I never end up spending too much and the fridge is always full. My monthly expenses add up to: rent + internet = $315 USD + Alexey’s services = $80 USD + Nadya’s cleaning services = $60 USD + groceries = $90 USD = $545 USD which is half of what I was paying to stay in the clinic.

Apartment Lengthening II
3.2 – 4 CM

Once every month Tonya takes the patients to get an x-ray taken at a nearby clinic. The clinic is modern and the staff are all friendly and if needed the security guard will grab a wheelchair to wheel you into the facility rather than taking the stairs. The exciting part of getting an x-ray taken is being able to measure how much you actually lengthened and how good or bad your bone regeneration is.

At 2 months and one-week post surgery, I thought I was still at 3.2CM but after taking an x-ray it turned out that I was actually at 3.5CM on my left leg and 4CM on my right. This isn’t unusual – sometimes you turn a little more and a little less and discrepancies happen. You can wait until the end to fix it or you can stop on one leg and fix it now. I was beginning to walk weird and since I was already leaning on my right leg more, I chose to fix it immediately.

The doctors said my regeneration was okay – not too good, but not bad either. I blame it on the fact that I was barely eating – and the food that I did wasn’t very nutritious. I’m hoping that now that I’m in the apartment and eating well, that my next x-ray will show great regeneration.

At 3.5 – 4CM the pain I’m experiencing changes every few days. The worse type of pain that I’ve experienced so far other than pin cutting is probably nerve pain. This type of pain causes the legs and feet to go numb and if you touch the skin with your hands or even bed sheets it feels as if your skin is literally on fire. If you’ve ever had your leg go numb and then knocked it against something, you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about. Dr. Barinov explained that this is because of nerve lengthening. This pain appeared in the beginning as well around the 2.3 CM mark to about 3 CM.

Other pain I experienced at this point was minor muscle pain felt in different areas and would get worse the longer I was lengthening consistently. If I took a day or two break it usually would ease up until I started lengthening for a few days in a row. Also I experienced lots of knee pain when walking and stretching – this would usually last for four days at a time coming and going every week or so.

At one point I had a sharp pain on the right side of my right leg where the fibula bone was broken, it really hurt to walk on and I had to walk side to side and drag to minimize the pain. Of course keterol helped get rid of most of the pain I experienced – expect for the nerve pain. Sleeping wasn’t much of a problem because I would take keterol and the sleeping aids.

It was also around this time that the first signs of ballerina started to creep up – it was small at this point – I was still able to place my heel on the floor when I walked. I also developed a little bit of knee bending on my right leg but I fixed this pretty quickly.

As far as life was going - I was happy. Lengthening was beginning to pick up, I was cooking and eating well, I had lots of free time to do some reading and catch up on a few shows. I was only going to the clinic once a week to have my bandages changed - even though Dr. Tsirkov told me he was mad that I wasn't coming more often. Everyone that was living in the clinic was Russian now and only two of them spoke english. Jerry and Lisa - Jerry was doing limb lengthening and Lisa was a corrections patient. Ukraine had gone home at this point but planned on coming to see me before I went back home. At this point I would only see the other international LL patients when I went in to get my bandage changed - as we all usually had our appointments on the same day. Max had finished his lengthening at 7.5 CM and was given the good news that he had very good regeneration - so he decided that he wouldn't get the nail and wait it out and go full external. Andrew who lived with Max and the older patient Jerry, was 1CM short of his goal of 9CM and was still turning. He came here at 156 and was soon going to be 165CM. Jerry the older patient was still lengthening as well and was 7CM at this point - he had dealt with his back issues but still had lots of pain that was keeping him awake at night. Hanes of course was just relaxing now, waiting to be able to get the nail and enjoying his 11 CM.

Apartment Lengthening III
4 - 6 CM

Lisa the corrections patient that was living in the clinic has to be one of the most energetic people I have ever met. She wanted to make the best out of the time she had to kill so she was always planning something for all of us to do. Usually it was trips to museums, art galleries, live theatres and tourist attractions. I usually opted out of going to these events because of the large amount of walking that was required – although I did go to the art gallery once only for it to be closed.

Max often went whenever he could – even though most of the attractions were only in Russian. He wanted to learn the language and also get the most out of his experience and time so he always tagged along. At this point he was also a master walker, he walked more than any of the other LL patients and that’s probably why he didn’t have as much pain and also had great regeneration. Unfortunately, though, he suffered quite a bit from ballerina and knee bending mainly because he was born with foot inversion which made it difficult to solve his contractures.

He would spend hours in the fitness room stretching and using foot holders and would walk from his apartment to the clinic – usually an hour and half journey. At the time Max and I became pretty close – we were the same starting height, we came from similar places and we understood each other’s struggles. He was a shoulder to cry on and we helped each other get through the process.

Every Tuesday – Max, Lisa, Andrew, Hanes and two other corrections patients Tina and Tanya would go to a restaurant in the mall that offered a Tuesday 50% off special. It was always fun to catch up with everyone and get out of the apartment. We all came from different places and had different cultures but everyone enjoyed learning about one another and talking about back home.

Max began a relationship with one of the girls Tina from the clinic and they were spending a lot of time together. She would be going home soon but it was nice for him to have someone to get close to and to help around with at home. There was another girl at the clinic that I started to have a crush on but I didn’t go to the clinic enough to pursue it – although sometimes I wish I had. Being able to get close to some of the girls is easy if you know how and it’s one of the best parts of this experience – but it’s also time consuming and can be a distraction.

I was at 6CM now and could really start to see a difference in myself. It felt good to look in the mirror – I looked better. The other LL patients would comment every time they would see me that I was looking taller and it made me feel good – but I was still far from my goal. Things were starting to become a little more difficult now. My ballerina was getting worse and it was becoming more and more difficult to walk or stand for long periods. Standing up was really difficult now because I would stand on my tippy toes from the ballerina and would often have to position my crutches behind me in order not to lose balance from leaning forward.

The lengthening pain was more consistent now – much more muscle soreness, lots of pain from the ballerina in the ankle area, throbbing pain from the bone cut, minor pin cutting both at the top and bottom pins and overall discomfort and pain from walking or standing. I was really becoming stressed over my immobility, I hated the fact that it took me 4 times as long to do everything and it drove me crazy that I couldn’t just stand up and walk to the kitchen when I was hungry. Of course it’s something you anticipate, prepare for and just learn to deal with but overtime it begins to drive you crazy. Many nights I simply dream about just walking normally – and I think more and more about what life will be like when everything goes back to normal.


At the restaurant in the mall - missing a few friends in this one

Reflection: Everyone is different
Written at 6 CM

One thing that I learned pretty quickly while on this journey is that every person will have a completely unique experience with LL. What one person achieves another person will fail to accomplish and what one person finds easy the other will find difficult. In many ways it’s almost pointless to point at one person and think of them as an example of what will happen during LL. Each body has certain limitations as well as strengths and weaknesses and so it’s difficult to anticipate what obstacles each person will be faced with.

I for example was lucky to get to 6 CM without a single pin break. Other patients have had to deal with 9 – 20 bin breaks and I believe RGKEY was in the area of 30 pin breaks. I can’t explain why I haven’t had this problem – but neither can I explain why I had such severe pin cutting while the other LL patients barely had any pin cutting that lasted longer than 4 days.

Max is able to walk long distances and throughout most of his LL journey he didn’t need to use any painkillers because his pain was minimal. I however have had lots of pain throughout the process and can’t walk for long periods of time. Max on the other hand has had bad ballerina and knee bending since 5CM and has had to work twice as hard to fix it – and even then it refuses to go away completely.

On the flip side Andrew has done no stretching and barely any walking and only developed ballerina at the 8CM mark. He however, unlike Max has had horrible regeneration almost the entire process and has taken painkillers nearly everyday since surgery. He was also able to lengthen consistently to 7CM in 60 days – something none of us other than Mercutio has been able to do.

Mercutio it seems is in a league entirely of his own – when I first started this journey I was excited because I thought I could reach 10 CM, get the nail and go home in 4.5 months like Mercutio. Of course my experience has been completely different – he had minimal pain and I had tons of pain – he lengthened consistently, I took many breaks – he didn’t develop contractures and I have pretty heavy ballerina and am only at 6CM after 4 months. Of course – he walked and stretched far more than I had said I would.

Jordan 10CM was also one of those people that reached 10 CM easily without having too many problems or dealing with much pain – although his regeneration was weak by the time he was finished his lengthening. Hanes has lengthened the most but he also dealt with lots of pain in the beginning as well as contractures – though he managed to solve this much easier than the rest of us. But in the end he also had poor regeneration and had to wait to get the nail – whereas Mercutio and Max were ready for the nail as soon as they were done lengthening (although Max chose not to).

Then there is Jerry who has dealt with a whole heap of complications that none of us experienced such as back issues and later on bone cutting from such poor regeneration – but he was the most flexible out of everyone and even though he was the oldest, developed the least ballerina and knee bending.

The best thing to do is avoid comparing yourself to everyone else and to do work your hardest to stretch, walk, supplement and eat well – but as I’ve learned – all of this is much easier said than done.

Apartment Lengthening IV
6 - 8 CM

“Bro, you really need to fix that”

Max says to me as soon he sees me walk into the fitness room.

My left heel was completely off the ground – the ballerina had completely caught up to me now. I couldn’t stand or walk without being on my tippy-toes and both my legs were starting to bend. I was at 6.0 CM and I was racing against time. I was not stretching and I was not walking – I was doing nothing but turning. I did not care anymore about anything other than finishing lengthening so that I could just get out of this place.

I was starting to go a little crazy in my lonely apartment, sitting on a couch on the 8th floor in Russia with nothing to do but wait for the day to end. In the beginning I used to read books and watch films now I smoke cigarettes and stare at the wall.

“Don’t smoke” they all tell me.

“Don’t you care about non-union?” They say.

I just want to go home.

It’s been one month and a half since I moved out of the clinic. I used to cook everyday – watching a movie as I cut the vegetables. 2, 3 hours I would spend: walk to the fridge, take vegetables and meat out and place on table, walk over to sink, take vegetables from table to the counter and wash, sit down, cut vegetables, cut meat, stand up – don’t fall, turn on the stove, you didn’t wash the pan, shift over to the sink, wash pan, need to sit down legs are tired, reach over from seat and put meat on pan.

After a month I just couldn’t do it. I was lengthening without any breaks and the pain was getting to me. I should have been stretching – I could have avoided the ballerina. I should have been walking – I could have avoided the knee bending. But I only wanted to focus on one thing. I wanted to just get to my desired height and fix everything after while I waited to get the nail.

“You can’t get the nail if you have contractions” Dr. Barinov says.

I begin to turn 5 times a day – I need to make this go by faster. I can’t stand this anymore. I’m surrounded by boxes of pizza and leftover chicken. The apartment smells of tobacco and the same songs have been playing over and over again. I’m stressed but it’s not the lengthening that’s driven me over the edge – it’s problems back home.

I’ve been here too long now. Never has four months felt like this. The thought of being here for another four months gives me a headache. I lost my girl, my friends don’t know where I am, I’m running out of money and I don’t know when I’ll be able to walk normally again. I can’t sleep anymore – I’m turning too much – those extra turns create a type of pain that painkillers can’t fix. I go back to turning 4 times a day but at least I got those extra millimetres in, right? ..right?

It’s Tuesday now and I’m in the X-ray clinic waiting for Tonya. As soon as she sees me she begins asking questions. “Why do you look so tired?” “Why have you become so skinny?” I tell her that I’ve stopped cooking and I’ve been having trouble sleeping. She tells me: “I will solve this, I promise.” She asks me how many CM have I reached and I tell her that I should be at 7. “Very good, will you stop now?” She asks. “No, of course not. I want to get to 10, otherwise it’s not worth it.” She shakes her head “what happened to all the things you said when you first got here, remember how you were freaking out about your friends knowing?”

“I don’t care about them anymore, 7 CM isn’t what I came for and it’s not what I’m going to leave with.” I snap back. She gets quiet and looks down at her hands and says “my sister is a wonderful cook, I can ask her to come cook for you if you’d like?” – I force a smile “yeah, that would be great. I really need some help right now.”

The secretary calls my name and I walk into the X-ray room. When I’m finished I slowly make my way back over to where Tonya is sitting. She tells me that she really doesn’t like the way I’m walking and she reminds me that I promised her I would stretch now that I’m in the apartment alone. I tell her that I’ve just been caught up in my own thoughts and that I’ve been distracted. She shakes her head and tells me that she’s not going to process applications for patients that are as young as me anymore.

“You young guys don’t know how to help yourselves. You’re lazy and you think everything is easy. You don’t have the discipline to do something so dangerous like this and your too young to handle it.” I’ve heard this all before and it was too true to piss me off anymore. I had let myself go and I wasn’t taking care of myself anymore. Maybe I couldn’t handle it like I thought.

A lady comes around with my X-rays and hands it to me. I take it out of the package and place it against the light. Tonya comments that my regeneration looks really good and I nod my head in agreement. I pull out a ruler from my bag and measure the gap in each of my tibia’s on the X-ray. Wait – no way.

I’m at 8CM! How did this happen? Suddenly, my mood completely changes. This means I get to knock ten days off my schedule. I guess those extra turns were worth it – I only have 20 days of lengthening left now. I get in a cab and head to the Da Vinci clinic. Once I get out of the elevator I walk to the fitness room hoping to find Max or Jerry but Dr. Barinov calls out my name and stops me.

“I’m serious – you need to stop lengthening immediately. Look at your contractions, it is not acceptable. If you don’t listen we will take your key and no longer extend your columns and that will be the end of your lengthening. You need to stretch and you need to walk and fix these problems otherwise you will have serious trouble ahead.”


I nod and look down on the floor.

Reflection: Two types of patients and the dangers of the forum
Written at 8 CM

From my experience doing LL and being surrounded by other patients – I’ve learned that there are two types of LL patients. The first wants nothing but to be taller – the average height is what he strives for and the average height is what he is content with. He did not come to become the tallest guy in the room, he came so that he was no longer the shortest. The second is a different beast – he looks to meet some ideal standard of self perfection. Once the height is taken care of next will come the nose job, the dental veneers or the ever so mythical arm lengthening.

My dear friend Max is the first type of patient – he understands his limits and he wants to be happy with what he accomplished. Then there is myself – since I managed to grow taller why don’t I also invest in a Hollywood smile? Speaking of smiles, my nose droops whenever I do– why not fix that as well? What about the height I gained – why not also wear lifts and be even taller? But where does it end?

Jimmy the older patient, sits in the fitness room with me as we stretch. “Have you ever done any work to your face?” I ask him. He smirks and says “I’m a private person remember?” I laugh and say okay – I take it as a yes. I show him what I want fixed about my nose and he agrees that it should be done if it’s what I want. “Why not? Beauty is important – I think I’ll get a chin implant; I’ve always wanted a pointier chin" he says as he stares at his reflection in the mirror against the wall.

I recall having a conversation with a female friend: “I think I’m going to get veneers, since they’re so cheap here.” She stops chewing and looks right at me “…why? What the hell is wrong with your teeth? You have such nice teeth…besides teeth are what gives everyone their character.” But I didn’t see it this way – I wanted to have a perfect smile – not teeth with character. The problem is… if she had told me she wanted a new set of teeth or a new nose – I would have freaked out. I love her nose and I love her teeth – even if they’re a bit small and come forward a bit – it’s what makes her… well her.

So where does all this come from? For me – I’m a perfectionist in everything I do. I set standards for myself that sometimes are out of reach and it’s because I have an image of the ideal self that I constantly strive for. What happens though is that sometimes I latch on to an ideal feature that absolutely no one in the world cares about or would ever notice. In fact I do this so often now that every week there seems to be something new. But that's exactly what this nagging habit of mine is - new. I never did this before LL – I never noticed these things that no one else notices.

The forum is a wonderful resource. Without it – how many of us would have done this operation? How many of us would have known where to go? Who else would we have talked to? But deep down under all the journals exists this evil that is proportions threads. The countless questions asking “are my fingers too short? Where do I get a longer neck? Will my ex love me if I lengthen my clavicle? What about these arms, how do I get them to match my legs?” They are absolutely ridiculous and if you read them you will fall down a spiral of self loathing over something you never cared about in your life. Something no one cares about.

Before you discovered these forums and learned about arm proportions – when did you ever look at or analyze someone’s arms? Did you ever even notice that some people had longer arms than others? Did you know how long your friend’s arms were? Did you ever think your arms looked too short? I never did – everyone just looked different. Now, whenever I see posts about proportions I never open them because I don’t want to develop another complex about something I can’t change or have never even noticed before.

A few summers ago I lived with a friend in a cozy, frat style apartment in the downtown core. My buddy was your typical aggressive, athletic, macho type. There wasn’t a weekend where he didn’t have a girl in his bed or a day that you felt he wasn’t himself. He was just always cool and had a cold confidence about him. So near the end of the summer he tells me that he’s going to visit some family overseas for a few weeks and that he’ll be back in time for my birthday the following month.

So the weeks go by and my birthday comes around – my buddy had arrived back in town the night before. I had been busy that night and couldn’t make it out to an event that all my friends including him had gone to. I threw a big party at my place on the day of my birthday and one of my buddies comes up to me and asks me if I’ve seen my old roommate yet. I tell him that I haven’t and he makes a “ouff, this should be good” face before changing the subject. Too drunk to probe I make my way over to the kitchen to see where my girlfriend was. Suddenly, the front door opens and I see my friend walk in and take his shoes off. I call out to him with excitement and he turns around and without a second to spare he says “what’s up buddy, what you think?”

… woah what the fk. What the hell happened to your face man, did you fking get beat up? His face looked so different – it was swollen in some areas and there was just something that made him look like a completely different guy. “Wait.. no. Shut the fk up, did you fking get a nose job?” He did. My super masculine and confident buddy, who we all thought had been visiting family got a fking nose job.

We walk outside to the porch with a couple of beers and talk. “Why didn’t you tell me man? Why did you even do it? What the hell was wrong with your nose before? I can’t even remember what it looked like.” – he laughs and says “really? You never noticed my nose before? I had the biggest bump and the tip drooped. It was fking ugly.” I literally had never noticed anything weird about his nose. He shakes his head “It’s so weird to hear you say that, I always thought everyone noticed it. Sometimes I wouldn’t even want to leave the house I was so insecure about it. I’ve been looking up rhinoplasty for years”  I couldn’t believe it. I never would have guessed this guy had any insecurities about his nose – to the point where he was embarrassed to go out in public.

After many discussions with my friends we all came to the same conclusion. None of us had ever thought anything of his nose – we all thought he looked great. In fact – we sort of wished he looked the same way as he did before. I mean his nose was beautiful now – but he looked so different. He’s not the same guy we knew – we liked him for him – and maybe if he had told us we could have convinced him that it was all in his head.

Yet here I am. 

Apartment Lengthening VI
8 CM

The 10 days after I got my last X-ray were much more gentle and relaxed. I of course had to stop lengthening and I threw away every last cigarette that I had. I was only smoking for a week but it really had helped me get through some things I couldn’t shake out of my head. The nicest part of not having to lengthen is that after about 4 days most of the pain completely disappears and by the end of a week your legs almost feel completely normal.

For the first time I was walking consistently everyday – usually playing an album that I like and trying to walk around my apartment from the first song to the last. The reason walking is good for bone regeneration is that every time your bone cells come under load they release ATP which stimulates the formation of new bone. As I’ve mentioned before, Max has walked so much that his bone regeneration means he doesn’t need to get the nail because his bones should consolidate two months after he would plan to get the nail anyways. 

Another reason walking is so important is because it forces your legs to stretch which helps relieve and prevent knee bending. For me in particular, I was trying to force my weight down on my ballerina to help stretch my Achilles tendon. When I wasn’t walking I was using a really strong and tight foot holder that would force my foot in dorsiflexion past 90 degrees. It was painful and I usually couldn’t keep it on for longer than 45-60 minutes at a time but overall it was on my feet for at least 6 full hours throughout the day.

Thankfully my ballerina had gotten a lot better over those 10 days – just not lengthening allows the ballerina to relax and gives the muscles and tendons time to adjust to the increased bone growth. Obviously, I still had a long way to go until the ballerina completely disappeared – about a month of no lengthening and daily stretching. Of course I didn’t have a month right now – my goal was only to get the ballerina down to an acceptable level so that Dr. Barinov would let me finish my lengthening. An acceptable level for me still meant that my heel couldn’t touch the ground but that I was able to walk straight and maintain proper form and balance.

Tonya’s sister Ira was coming every other day to cook for me. I was extremely happy, the food was delicious and she made 6 meals to last two days. I paid her 600 rubles (9 USD) every morning that she came in – usually for two hours’ worth of work. Alexey my errand boy was still getting groceries for me and he would usually hang out for a little bit on the days that he came by. He was glad that I wasn’t smoking anymore and that I seemed to be in higher spirits than the past couple of weeks. I asked him to purchase a dumbbell set and some fitness bands so that I could work a little on my upper body since I was getting so skinny. Dr. Barinov had told me it was best not to exercise too much as the body needs all the energy and nutrients it can get to heal the bone and grow the surrounding tissue. Fortunately, the one thing I have managed to stay consistent with is proper supplementation and nutrition. Since the first day of the surgery I have not missed a dose of calcium, lysine, vitamin D, multi-vitamin or fish oil.

Now all I was waiting for was for the weekend to end so that I could see Dr. Barinov and ask to have my columns extended.

Reflection: Being certain without rushing

While at the clinic we kept getting word that there was a new patient coming from Australia. At the time I didn’t have a roommate and I was told he would room with me because I was the only patient who could speak English. Naturally, I was excited to have another patient join and to be able to fill in on everything  - the same way Jordan 10CM and Max did when I first arrived.

At around ten one night I hear a knock on the door and a young guy around 171 CM walks in with a suitcase and an older lady following him. I’ve never seen this lady before so I assumed it was his mother because she spoke perfect English and didn’t have a Russian accent. He said hello and came over to shake my hand and the lady began to tell him that she would be back tomorrow morning to check in on him and that he needed to have blood work taken at twelve.

I later found out that it was Irene – who essentially does what Tonya does – but has been with the clinic much longer. We’ll call our Australian friend Calvin. Calvin begins to unpack his belongings and we start talking about the surgery, his concerns, and what led him to this point. For the most part everything he told me was similar to the experiences almost all of us have had that led us to wanting to do this procedure.

His story goes like this: He never worried about his height until he got to the end of high school and all his friends were growing and going to university just made him more aware of his stature. To make things worse, all his male cousins were over 6 feet tall as are many males in Australia. His complex really started to begin when a co-worker commented on how short and stubby his legs were and since he worked in an office and had to wear a suit and suit pants he always looked disproportionate and short.

He had been researching this process for a while and went through some of the journals and knew he was going to do this for about a year. He only wanted to 5-6 CM and the only person he told he was doing this was his girlfriend who of course was completely against it. He told his employer, friends and family that he was going to do some travelling and his plan was to fake an accident and come home after three months were over and then recover at home.

Wait, did he just say 3 months? “You know.. you’re going to be here longer than three months, right?” I say. “What? Irene told me lengthening would take 50 days and then I could get the nail and go home.” He responds nervously. Okay, what Irene told him was the best case scenario. If he had no complications, his regeneration was perfect and he lengthened for 50 days straight then MAYBE he could do it. I explain this to him and I tell him about my own experience with pin cutting and how long it’s taken me to get to 2.7 CM and the experiences of the other patients.

Of course he gets upset over this – he isn’t willing to spend longer than 4 months’ maximum in Russia and he’s starting to have second thoughts just looking at the frames and hearing about some of the pain. He explains that he only told work that he would be gone for 3 months and that he’s not willing to part with his girlfriend for that long. We continue to talk a little while longer – it hasn’t been two hours since he’s arrived when he says “Yeah, I think I’m going to book my ticket back home tomorrow morning.”

".. what do you mean? You literally just got here?" He begins to explain that maybe he hasn’t really thought this through – he’s wanted this for so long and he’s been preparing for a year but now that he’s actually here in the flesh – reality is hitting him. “This is all a bit crazy, I don’t know what I was thinking.” I tell him that it’s a lot to take in but that he should at least wait to see Dr. Barinov and feel things out before making a decision. Having regrets after you go home would really suck. He says he’s made up his mind but that he’ll stick around for a couple of days anyways to see how things are.

This isn’t the first time this has happened – if you recall earlier in my journal that I panicked a little before I did the surgery and I wasn’t sure if I was ready to go through with it. A number of patients have come and then decided over night that it just wasn’t for them. This type of surgery requires hours and hours of research, discussion and deep thought. Dreaming about the results without thinking too much about the process to get there is a sure way to get yourself in a bad situation.

Really think this through - talk to people you can trust and see if it really is something you absolutely think you must do and if it is - make sure you're absolutely ready mentally before booking a flight.